You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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