the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
