So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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