We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
