My hand turned me down
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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