Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
