Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
