The maid of honor just puked.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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