my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
