I want you more than these girls want KFC
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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