you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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