ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
