what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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