I feel like abortions should bother me more
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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