I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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