Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
