Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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