Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
