garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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