So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize