i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
