drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
