I can text with my tongue
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
