I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
