we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
