I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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