you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
