I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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