it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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