just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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