I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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