laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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