Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
