Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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