She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
