She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
