I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
