fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
