its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
