you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
