The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
