What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
