How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
