Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
