I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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