You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
