Yo dont text me then not text me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
