They have a pepper shaker for pot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
