all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
