cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
