would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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