My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
