So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
