I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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