Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
