Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
