i think my tv is drunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
