If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
