ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
