Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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