you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
